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Shoes not to wear this season (or any other)

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You must have heard this a thousand times before, but we wanna say it again: Shoes are important. You can put together the most beautiful outfit in the world, but if you go wrong with the shoes, you ruin everything for yourself and for the rest of mankind.

To many, matching tops, jeans, jackets, and dresses with the right pair comes quite naturally. But for some, well, we think they need a little more guidance than the shop attendant can ever give them. So, in the interest of promoting fashion enlightenment and making the world a better, more visually acceptable place, here are our top four kinds of footwear not to wear this season, or any other season for that matter.

1.) Boat shoes. They’re not back. Stylists at Gossip Girl must have been paid a truckload of greenbacks to coerce Nate and Chuck into wearing boat shoes, and that’s the only reason we even still see them on TV. So, if you’re not getting paid to wear them, don’t.

2.) Kitten heels. Unless you work at a department store whose policy restricts you to wearing two- to three-inch open-toe heels with pantyhoses that don’t fool anyone, stay away from them. It doesn’t matter if they’re by Jimmy Choo, just stay away. People over 70 and suffering from arthritis are exempted from this rule.

3.) Crocs. They may have saved a three-year-old boy’s life – shielding him from more severe electro injuries that a faulty hair dryer could have caused – but we agree with the gals over at The Gloss. They’re still ugly. And we hate them with a passion because they entered the scene and caused such a riot that people forgot what fashion meant.

We thought the universe had decided to smite Crocs for desecrating the natural order of things, because last year it looked like it was going to go bankrupt. But unfortunately, the company – and those heinous things that are the physical manifestation of everything unsightly in this world – still exist.

4.) Clogs. We are under the impression that Karl Lagerfeld and company are in the middle of conducting a social experiment to see whether their brands are strong enough to make people buy whatever they decide to sell. Not to cultivate the current state of fashion, no, but to have a good chuckle at all the sad manipulable fashion zombies eagerly waiting to finally get their feet in those wooden contraptions.

We know Miuccia’s laughing her way to the bank with her Miu Miu clogs now reported to be sold out (by Tavi G, no less). But anyway, Chanel, Vuitton, it doesn’t matter who made them. They all look ridiculous and anyone who considers wearing them may as well walk the streets of Dubai in these instead.

Click away to see censored area and witness the hideousness of it all.

There is more to shoes than clogs, Crocs and Sperry Top-siders. Keep discovering.

1 Comment

  1. Meho

    June 6, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Holy crap someone else other than me finally said it! Thank you..

    No clogs are not okay! just cause Uncle Karl decided to stick his little dollies in a farm based theme wearing these horrendous shoes does not mean they are cute.. Quite the contrary they’re ugly and when my mother wore them when I was a child I also thought they were ugly.

    Meho xx

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