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Jimmy Choo sneakers: Stop kidding me.

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So Jimmy Choo recently announced a line of sneakers that will come to stores in May. I am not intrigued. I’m actually a bit disappointed. Aren’t you? Then look at these and you will be.

Jimmy Choo sneakers: Hideous?

Like that favorite pair of stilettos you wear to work everyday, these attention-seeking, uncoordinatedly colourful sneakers all carry the Jimmy Choo brand. Pretty soon the sophisticated six-inch-heel-wearing glamazon will find herself standing in a Jimmy Choo store, rubbing elbows with dirty hormonal teenagers looking for a pair of high-tops to wear to a skatefest at an industrial area or something – because the brand has broadened its market (READ: cheapened itself) with the launch of these Jimmy Choo kicks. That’s not something the existing loyal customer base would particularly enjoy.

I’m probably being a bit harsh. It’s just that I don’t really like sneakers and that’s probably why I’m reacting this way. But I have my reasons, and here are just a handful of them.

1.) The sneakers look like they haven’t figured out what they want to be.

2.) “Luxurious materials” (Yup, note the quote!) used in the shoes don’t really say “I can move easily and freely without having my shoes rip apart,” which is what sneakers are for.

3.) Shoemakers who focus on sneakers have a better, clearer idea of what they’re supposed to produce. It does require experience to get things right (except Nike, who still gets it wrong after so long), you know.

4.) Kanye West designed a line of questionable sneakers for Louis Vuitton some time ago (probably while wearing his shutter sunglasses indoors). That shows you the kind of people who had a hand in making those things.

5.) These “high-end” sneakers cheapen the brand and attract a class of clientele that you don’t want to be associated with.

The bottomline here is designers, or their company’s stockholders, want to make more money. The only way to do that without jacking up the prices for existing clients is to broaden their market – by introducing products that more people will be able to afford: perfumery, shoes, trinkets and other bits and pieces. Once a high-end fashion brand even considers that dreadful B word, it’s not so high-end after all.

The only way that we can keep Jimmy Choo up there where it truly belongs is to counter this madness with elitist snobbery. Let’s go be snooty snobs!

I hope they don’t release these in Jimmy Choo stores in Dubai!

Don’t be a fashion victim.